Jealousy rears its ugly head

 

I like to think of myself as an eternal optimist. Glass half full, sunshine after rain, silver linings type stuff. I believe strongly in carrying myself in a very calm, emotionally balanced manner, and that has more or less come to define who I am as a person. More often than not, there are two sides to every issue, and it is a point of pride for me that I sit firmly atop the fence, peering over both sides of the argument. 

Which makes it all the more strange to me when jealousy rears its ugly head. (Yeah I did.)

There are times when there is absolutely no basis for my fits of jealousy. No prior history to suggest or suspect any wrongdoing, no current information from which to draw upon... absolutely nothing. I'll just be sitting in my apartment, watching Friends and eating a cup of noodles when (unannounced, and rabid as Mel Gibson drunk in a synagogue) the jealousy monster explodes inside my brain.

"Where is she? What is she doing? Why hasn't she texted me? Why did this guy 'like' her picture? Is she just over it, or is something bothering her? It's already been 10 minutes!"

Just typing these words out is embarrassing. Now the fact that they were actually running through my brain... well that's a little troublesome. Where do these emotions come from? I feel like I don't trust anybody in the world as I do this young lady, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she has that same trust in me and the relationship we are building. So... what's the deal?

Maybe it's a self-confidence thing. There's not a person on earth who hasn't had issues with self-confidence. Sometimes it's hard to believe that somebody else could fully accept you for who you are. And I don't mean the fun loving, social butterfly that you are; I mean the weird, quirky, selfish, individual human being that you are. But there comes a time when you need to look and the mirror, and just say to yourself, "You are awesome. And I accept that about you."  

You know, that sounds pretty motivational actually. I think I might give that a try someday.


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I like to think of myself as very self-aware. I know my strengths as well as my flaws, I can realize when I'm in the wrong, and I can identify when I am acting irrationally. So why is it that jealousy sends me into a manic fury in which I am completely consumed and blinded by ideas (imagined or otherwise) that have formed in my wild imagination? To answer this question, I did what any logical person would do in this day and age. I googled it.
 

Howstuffworks.com is a great database detailing... well, how stuff works. I was led specifically to "How Jealousy Works". Apparently, jealousy has its own formula. Oh, here's an insightful bit of information... 

"(M)any psychologists believe that women are inclined to be jealous more often, simply because they tend to be more honest and in touch with their emotions than their male counterparts." So that's what it feels like to be emasculated by an internet article! It would make sense though. Women definitely operate off of emotion and feelings more than men, so it would follow that they would experience the emotion of jealousy more often and more intensely than men.   

I guess in the end, while I was really looking for a solution to my problem, the best I could find (and probably the best anyone can do) is find a way to manage and control my jealousy. Everybody experiences it, and the key is really in recognizing when jealousy is affecting us, and then using our own personal method of managing the mental chaos. I, for example, enjoy expressing my feelings on blogs. 

And after reading that article, I'm going to stop watching chick flicks. 

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“O, beware, my lord, of jealousy; it is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on.” -Shakespeare, Othello

 

  

Facebook, relationships, and the tightrope we walk

When entertaining the idea of beginning a relationship, there are various factors that one must take into account before deciding to take the plunge.

"Do our personalities match up well?"

"Will my parents like her/him?"

"Should we make it Facebook official?" 

Huh? Seriously?

Seriously, yes.

It's no secret that social media drives so many different markets in today's world. Information is flowing out of every nook and cranny of the internet, and it's all connected to you so your "friends" (Hah) and anybody else who cares (or pretends to care) can see. But romantic relationships? The things we say and the pictures we post on the internet couldn't possibly carry over to real life right? A real life where moments and words shared between two star-crossed lovers hold infinite and eternal meaning?

Wrong.

According to Divorce Online, more than one third of all divorce filings in 2011 contained the word "Facebook" in them. With divorce rates higher than ever in the US, this is a very telling statistic. Social media is not only affecting teenagers and twenty-somethings, but a sizeable amount of married couples. I found this and more in a very interesting read on MSN Living. The title of the article: "Is Facebook ruining your relationship?". It seems a bit ass-backwards that the most advanced, intelligent beings in the entire universe would allow words and pictures flashing across a webpage trump true, real-life interaction. But each and everyday this way of thinking is becoming more and more prevalent.

So I have a girlfriend now. She is funny, beautful, caring, adventurous...  everything you would ever want in someone of the opposite sex. We recently decided that we were going to make our relationship together "official". The first order of business, of course, was to put it on Facebook.

I'm going to stop myself there. WHY? How have I gotten to this point in my life where, if I want something to be real, everybody on Facebook has to see that it's happened? There is no end to my frustration with this fact, because no matter how much I acknowledge and resent it, I still feel obligated to make my major life decisions public knowledge. I digress.

Upon making the nature of our relationship "Facebook Official", we were met with a warm response from many of our friends. We even had friends we hadn't spoken to in years message and text us to extend their congratulations. Maybe it's reasons like these that make us feel the need to post each and every little update about our life all over the internet. Whether we admit it or not, each and every person loves the feeling of being validated, and knowing that whatever decision I just made or whatever action I just took has been acknowledged and appreciated by all 1,011 of my Facebook friends.

But then came the flipside of this coin.

The people closest to my girlfriend had no idea that we had decided to become official. Advertising ourselves through Facebook at that point was no longer a way to receive affirmation and congratulations, but instead became a backhanded notion that it was more important for everybody else in the world to know the news.

I was never of the belief that something printed on a piece of paper, or something posted on my wall, or something tweeted @ me would ever possibly be able to affect me in a tangible way. And as the above situation demonstrates, I was wrong. There is now a certain consciousness and awareness that is required to properly navigate the treacherous waters of social media, and I'd venture to say that most people don't even realize the impact of the letters they are typing into those little boxes.

I, on the other hand, have become a believer in the power of social media.

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"You are what you share." -Charles Leadbeater
        

 

Decisions, decisions...

So. This is a blog right?

I can just type what I want with the hopes of these words finding the eyes of somebody in the real world?

Well here goes something.

You know, they never really tell you in high school, "Hey, you should probably figure out what you wanna do with your life by the time you get to college."  It's more along the lines of, "Just get to college, then you can explore different things that interest you until you find something that fits you!" ... which in theory, sounds great! In theory. What most teachers and counselors fail to convey to us (me) is that while you might have all the time in the world to find yourself in college, what you probably do not have is the money. If I could hop in the DeLorean and gun it to 2008, that would be the first thing I would tell past me.  "Figure it out NOW JB. Pick something and stick to it." Then I would tell myself to invest in Apple. These iPads and iPhones nowadays are amazing.

It really seems like such an arbitrary decision to make at that age, doesn't it? I want to major in criminal justice! My thought process? "Well, I love Law & Order marathons, so that would be pretty cool to study criminal justice." Well DUH past self, who doesn't love Law & Order marathons? You deserve to be slapped for letting a TNT daytime drama decide your future for you. But at 19 years old, how else am I supposed to choose a career path? This is the quandary many incoming college students face I'm sure, but in my mind I was the only person in the world who had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do. Well, 5 years later, and I finally know what I want to do... pick a major. Yep. That's really the best I can do at this point. I guess I could waffle back and forth trying to see what sticks, but who has the time or money for that? Life is going at 100mph, and I'm in the fast lane going 55. Okay so maybe I won't get a ticket, but seriously dude. Speed of traffic.

So let's try this college thing again. Computer science. Technology is ever evolving, software engineers and IT guys are in as high of demand as ever, and the starting pay is very enticing. What's my real reasoning, you ask? I love video games. Video games. For real? Yep. Well who doesn't love video games you dunce? Great point, conscience. The difference is that I want to develop them. Who knows if it's my "calling"? Is there even such a thing? Those are questions that I should probably just leave alone; I'll let the philosophy majors deal with those issues. As for me: pick a path, and go. Full speed ahead. Note to self: Make awesome video games.

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"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
-George Bernard Shaw